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Posts Tagged ‘funny dragons’

Jack Frost is annoyed.
Naughty dragon making noise,
Scaring off his friends.

Never knew Haiku could be a storytelling form, did you?


Now for that news. I’m excited to tell you that I’ve got the cover art for my middle-grade book, Aunt Ursula’s Atlas. I’m working through Draft to Digital to get it done in e-book and print. There are the usual formatting issues, but I hope to get through them quickly and be able to announce a release date. Crossing my fingers, it will be before Christmas!

Aunt Ursula’s Atlas is a collection of short stories by my alter-ego, Lucy D. Ford. Some are from the fairy tale series that I podcast as The Dragon King in 2012. Others are more contemporary in style. If you recall a few weeks ago, I shared a story called The Dragon’s Ghost on this very blog. That will be part of this book.

So wish me luck as I set out on my self-publishing adventure, and come back Saturday for the next of my haiku sequence.

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Dragon swooping low,

Breathing flame to melt the snow.

Frosty is dismayed.

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Dragon soaring high,
Chasing reindeer in the sky.
Santa is delayed.

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Look what I found at the thrift store!

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Hafzilla is thirsty, too.

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A few years ago, my husband went to a sidewalk sale where a sportswear manufacturer was selling excess jerseys and such. He came home with several that had been demonstrator pieces showing the imprinting options. He isn’t into football, but it gave him something to wear when his company proclaimed a Football Friday at the office.

On such an occasion he wore a dark green jersey with yellow lettering that said DRAGONS. A suspicious co-worker asked, “What team is that?”

He said, “It’s a quidditch team!” All the staff who were readers broke out laughing.

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In the online game Flight Rising (see my last post) one of your chores is to gather food for your dragon clan. Flight Rising provides four types of food — vegetation, insects, meat and seafood. You need to collect some of each, because every dragon breed likes different foods.

As I’ve clicked my way through this, various dragons from past stories* began to knock on the door to my brain. They’d say things like, “Vegetation. Really? What fool thinks a dragon could survive on vegetation?”

Out of respect for their opinions, here are five statements on what dragons eat.

Carnisha, from the Cragmaw Mountains, was blunt. “Dragons eat whatever we want. But not salad.”

According to Cazarluun, Spectral Guardian of Venge Hill, “Dragons are spiritual beings. As such, we may partake of food or drink for our own pleasure, but we do not actually have to eat.”

Lythiskar, Mystik of Yabble, agrees in part. “We dragons are learned creatures. Our taste in foods should be equally refined. This is why so many dragons prefer Virgins — no musty, gamy odors there. By the way, did you know a Virgin doesn’t have to be female? Many priests and the nerdier young men can be equally choice fare.”

From Shoredance Island, the sea dragon Tetheus said, “Whatever it is, it has to be big enough to satisfy a dragon’s appetite. Large sharks and whales are good. On land, there are horses, moose, water buffalo… I just don’t see insects as a substantial meal.”

Wrotha, the Great Wyrm of Hot Mountain, reported, “Whatever comes too close to my eggs, I eat it.”

*  Wrotha is a featured character in my middle-grade fantasy, Masters of Air & Fire. Carnisha appears in the anthology The Dragon’s Hoard. Tales of Cazarluun, Lythiskar, and Tetheus are as yet unpublished.

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Knowing my love for dragons and video games, my daughter brought this game to my attention. Of course I joined in — how often does your kid allow you to be part of her online life?

Flight Rising is a browser-based video game. That is, you play in your browser rather than through a console or PC. The setup is that you’re starting a clan of dragons, which is loyal to one of several elemental powers. Each Flight is led by a unique dragon of godlike powers. If you’re into world-building, there’s a very cool back story explaining the history of this world.

So what do you do with your dragon clan? You hunt and gather resources to keep them healthy. You breed them and see what cool new dragons result. You collect various breeds of dragons and take them into an arena to level up in combat. You play games to earn treasure, which you can spend in a marketplace or the auction house if you’re a bargain hunter. You dress up your dragons, buy them pets, and join your Flight in making plays for dominance.

I’ve only been involved for a few days, but so far I’m enjoying it. It’s fairly casual — you play the parts you like and ignore the rest. Best of all, my daughter approves of my hatchlings!

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Here we are in what are traditionally called the “dog days of summer.” From this we all imagine sweltering weather with both people and dogs flopped in the shade.

The phrase comes to us from Roman times, when the bright star Sirius rose along with the sun. (Sirius was part of the constellation Canis Major and was known as the Dog Star.) Thus the rising of Sirius became associated with the hottest days of the summer in late July and early August.

So the Dog Days and their constellation made me think about the constellation Draco. If we had “dragon days,” what would they be?

1) Ironically, this really sounds like a sales event to me. Can’t you just see some auto showroom decked out for a Dragon Days Clearance Sale?

2) Draco is a fixed constellation in the northern sky. It doesn’t rise or set the way Canis Major does, so you couldn’t base anything on that. However, there is a meteor shower that appears to originate with Draco. Dragon Days could be held to honor the Draconid meteor shower, in early to mid-October.

3) Chinese New Year, a.k.a. the Lunar New Year, occurs in late January. Certainly there could be a Dragon Days associated with this world-wide festival.

4) An international competition of fire dancers or pyrotechnicians could be designated as Dragon Days.

5) In a fantasy setting, where dragons were real, Dragon Days might be the season when their eggs hatch.

Well, what do you think? What should Dragon Days be about?

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You. Yes, you! I challenge you… to write a poem!

This is based on a school framework that helps kids who think they aren’t poetic, to write poetry. It has lots of blanks to fill in. The empty framework looks something like this:

The Animal In Me, by (Name)

There is a (animal) in me with (animal part) like (simile) and (animal part) like (simile).

It (sound) like (simile). It (movement) like (simile).

It lives in my (human body part) and makes me (feeling or reaction).

(Choose one)

I wish (__________________________) OR

It makes me want to (_____________________) OR

It makes me feel like (_____________________).

So based on this, here’s what I did along with the students.

THE DRAGON IN ME, by Ms. F.

There is a dragon in me with wings like banners and scales like mosaic armor.

It roars like a geyser. It soars like a queen of the sky.

It lives in my heart and makes me fearless.

It makes me feel like I can do anything. 

So, friends — I challenge you! Put your animal-inside poem in the comments.

Ready? Go!

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Lately I’ve been hanging out with people who like to fish. They can spend hours talking about what bait they use to catch what. So it made me wonder, if dragons were “fishing” to catch humans, what would they use for bait? I’ve consulted a few of the dragons from my short stories for suggestions. *

Carnisha, Queen of the Crawmaw Mountains, said that she spreads out shiny objects, such as coins or gems. This will always attract treasure hunters.

Lythiskar, from Lollitaine, agreed, but he also said humans can’t resist the smell of food. Many dragons like the smell of popcorn, but Lythiskar said that bacon had never failed him.

Cazarluun, the specter of Venge Keep, suggested that sometimes one wishes to attract the most intelligent humans for a quest or challenge. Therefore one should acquire a mythic artifact that only the wisest will seek.

An urban dragon, Rockayn, pointed out that many humans can read, so she posts signs. She’s had great success with “Free Beer,” although in recent years “Free Wi-Fi” seems to work just as well. In certain neighborhoods, “Lap Dancing” can also be quite successful.

Tetheus, from Shoredance Island, offered the opposite approach. Just put out the word that people should NOT go somewhere, and you won’t be able to keep them away.

* Most of these dragons are featured in short stories from my forthcoming collection, Aunt Ursula’s Atlas.

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