Dragons Don’t Do Gratitude

Thanksgiving Day is coming here in the USA. Here’s a repeat of a funny post from 2015. Seriously, I’m grateful for all of you who follow and support me. Happy Thanksgiving!

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Hommana hommana, I peer into my crystal ball
And learn the most mysterious thing of all:
What are dragons grateful for?

Ikartya of the Emerald Scales — Gratitude, what’s that?

Ysislaw, Emperor of Sillets — My hoard.

Fruq the Furious — My flames, which destroy my enemies.

Tetheus of Shoredance Island — Delicious sheep.

Gnawrath, Most Malign — That my family is far, far away.

Cazarluun the Wraith — That I killed Sir Whatsizname before he killed me.

Carnisha of Mount Cragmaw — That humans are so easily deceived.

P.S. — Ysislaw, Cazarluun, Tetheus and Carnisha are all characters from my stories! Ysislaw is from my second novel, Too Many Princes. Carnisha is in my story that appeared in The Dragon’s Hoard anthology last spring. Tetheus and Cazarluun are in short stories that are thus far unpublished. However, their statements here don’t necessarily represent their roles in the stories.

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Have you read one of my books? Then it would be great for you to leave a review! Meanwhile, if you’d like to learn more about me and my work, check out my website, Facebook, Instagram and/or Twitter.

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Just For Fun 38

Here’s a dragon joke, courtesy of my dad. It’s an oldie-but-goodie, as they say.

Q: Where does dragon milk come from?

A: From cows with very short legs!

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Wyrmflight: A Hoard of Dragon Lore — $4.99 e-book or $17.99 trade paperback. Available at Amazon or Draft2Digital.

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Dragonboy

I’m happy to share another dragon tale today. Dragonboy is a short film, recently featured by author J. Keller Ford on her blog, YA Chit Chat. It just might be the cutest thing you’ll see today. Check it out here!

This animated short was made by a group of film students. Like “The Optometrist and the Dragon,” a short story I shared last week, it takes a fresh and engaging look at that age-old triangle between dragon, princess, and knight.

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Sign up for my newsletter and win a free E-book, The Weight of Their Souls. Just to go my Facebook page, AuthorDebyFredericks, and click the link on the left that says “Join my mailing list.” Easy, right?

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44 Medieval Beasts

I couldn’t resist  sharing this funny bit from BuzzFeed, back in August of 2014. 44 Medieval Beasts That Cannot Even Handle It Right Now is full of silly cartoons, and quite a few of them feature dragons.

If you’ve ever seen illuminated manuscripts from the Middle Ages, you know that the scribes liked to decorate every bit of the page. Major illustrations would show whatever the text was about. Extra spaces would be filled with little people and animals, some of them quite fantastic.

Like the ancient Egyptians, these Medieval scribes had certain conventions about how people were posed. Especially about faces. Everyone has kind of a somber expression. Even the Virgin Mary, during the Annunciation, looks kind of bummed out. Likewise, it was customary that every animal be shown snarling and fierce.

The thing is, not every artist was that good. Sometimes they were in a hurry. Sometimes they hadn’t actually seen what they were trying to draw. The result is unintentionally-funny pieces like the ones shared above.

The first time I read this, it made me giggle for hours. Enjoy!

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Haiku 4

Jack Frost standing guard,
Blizzard blowing fierce and hard.
Dragon flies away.

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Haiku 3 Plus News

Jack Frost is annoyed.
Naughty dragon making noise,
Scaring off his friends.

Never knew Haiku could be a storytelling form, did you?

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Now for that news. I’m excited to tell you that I’ve got the cover art for my middle-grade book, Aunt Ursula’s Atlas. I’m working through Draft to Digital to get it done in e-book and print. There are the usual formatting issues, but I hope to get through them quickly and be able to announce a release date. Crossing my fingers, it will be before Christmas!

Aunt Ursula’s Atlas is a collection of short stories by my alter-ego, Lucy D. Ford. Some are from the fairy tale series that I podcast as The Dragon King in 2012. Others are more contemporary in style. If you recall a few weeks ago, I shared a story called The Dragon’s Ghost on this very blog. That will be part of this book.

So wish me luck as I set out on my self-publishing adventure, and come back Saturday for the next of my haiku sequence.

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Haiku 2

Dragon swooping low,

Breathing flame to melt the snow.

Frosty is dismayed.

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What Do Dragons Eat?

In the online game Flight Rising (see my last post) one of your chores is to gather food for your dragon clan. Flight Rising provides four types of food — vegetation, insects, meat and seafood. You need to collect some of each, because every dragon breed likes different foods.

As I’ve clicked my way through this, various dragons from past stories* began to knock on the door to my brain. They’d say things like, “Vegetation. Really? What fool thinks a dragon could survive on vegetation?”

Out of respect for their opinions, here are five statements on what dragons eat.

Carnisha, from the Cragmaw Mountains, was blunt. “Dragons eat whatever we want. But not salad.”

According to Cazarluun, Spectral Guardian of Venge Hill, “Dragons are spiritual beings. As such, we may partake of food or drink for our own pleasure, but we do not actually have to eat.”

Lythiskar, Mystik of Yabble, agrees in part. “We dragons are learned creatures. Our taste in foods should be equally refined. This is why so many dragons prefer Virgins — no musty, gamy odors there. By the way, did you know a Virgin doesn’t have to be female? Many priests and the nerdier young men can be equally choice fare.”

From Shoredance Island, the sea dragon Tetheus said, “Whatever it is, it has to be big enough to satisfy a dragon’s appetite. Large sharks and whales are good. On land, there are horses, moose, water buffalo… I just don’t see insects as a substantial meal.”

Wrotha, the Great Wyrm of Hot Mountain, reported, “Whatever comes too close to my eggs, I eat it.”

*  Wrotha is a featured character in my middle-grade fantasy, Masters of Air & Fire. Carnisha appears in the anthology The Dragon’s Hoard. Tales of Cazarluun, Lythiskar, and Tetheus are as yet unpublished.

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Flight Rising

Knowing my love for dragons and video games, my daughter brought this game to my attention. Of course I joined in — how often does your kid allow you to be part of her online life?

Flight Rising is a browser-based video game. That is, you play in your browser rather than through a console or PC. The setup is that you’re starting a clan of dragons, which is loyal to one of several elemental powers. Each Flight is led by a unique dragon of godlike powers. If you’re into world-building, there’s a very cool back story explaining the history of this world.

So what do you do with your dragon clan? You hunt and gather resources to keep them healthy. You breed them and see what cool new dragons result. You collect various breeds of dragons and take them into an arena to level up in combat. You play games to earn treasure, which you can spend in a marketplace or the auction house if you’re a bargain hunter. You dress up your dragons, buy them pets, and join your Flight in making plays for dominance.

I’ve only been involved for a few days, but so far I’m enjoying it. It’s fairly casual — you play the parts you like and ignore the rest. Best of all, my daughter approves of my hatchlings!

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Summer Repeat 3

Here’s another reblog from July of 2012, when the London Summer Olympics were in full swing.

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Fantasy Olympics

Swept up in Olympic Fever, I here offer what the Olympics might be like if fantasy creatures were real.

Marksmanship would have two categories. Dragons and other fire-breathers would compete in the Heavy Weapons category, while magi with magic wands would make up the Light Weapons category.

Wizards and witches also would compete in transforming objects or themselves. Transforming other beings is not allowed.

Aerobatic events would include precision flying by dragon formations. Giant eagles would dominate aerial speed racing. Magic carpets and flying brooms would have their own category.

Gymnastics: Gnomes and fairies are heavy favorites, although flyers must somehow contain their wings to avoid having an unfair advantage.

Aquatics: Sea serpents would compete in swimming races and also have their own water polo team. Naiads and water hags would be heavily favored in swimming and diving events.

Equestrian events would be dominated by centaurs and would include physical combat.

Archery: Although humans try hard, elves own the field. It’s only a question whether dark, light or woodland elves take the medals.

Weight lifting is the pride of dwarves. However, they refuse to take part in boxing because nobody bleeds.

So tell me, friends, what fantasy Olympic events would you like to see?

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