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Archive for the ‘Dragon Jokes’ Category

Over the summer, I’ve been working as director of programming for SpoCon, my local science fiction convention. I’m going a little nuts, frankly. But it has given rise to a few fun thoughts. If dragons had a convention, what would their programming look like?

Humans: Friends or Food? Older and wiser dragons share their advice on whether to play nicely or take what you want.

The Perfect Hoard: A great hoard needs more than mountains of gold coin. Maybe you’ve thought of adding some gems or a bit of gold-plated armor. Experts discuss how to give your hoard personality and flair.

Fang and Claw vs. Flame Breath: Warrior dragons debate the best way to slay those pesky knights.

Lair Security: Are you troubled by sneak thieves and traveling salesmen? Learn a few new tricks to keep intruders out of your private space.

Human Arms and Armor: Information on the most common equipment used by knights and adventurers, with tips on how to overcome them.


A few of my other books:

Aunt Ursula’s Atlas, Lucy D. Ford’s short story collection and Masters of Air & Fire, her middle-grade novel.

The Grimhold Wolf, my Gothic werewolf fantasy, and my epic fantasy, The Seven Exalted Orders.

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I know you’ve always wondered about this, so I asked some of my own fictional dragons for their opinions.

“What do you think virgins are?” asked Lythiskar, Mystik of Yabble. “Although some dragons prefer princesses as pets.”

Yriatt of Hawkwing House* was also open to the idea of keeping pets. “An older, sedentary dragon could benefit from a pet such as a griffin or roc. Flying with your pet can help maintain wing strength and aerial balance.”

Other dragons weren’t sold on the idea.

“I would never keep a pet that might steal from me,” answered Grenandus of Lollitaine.*

According to Tetheus,* the sea dragon, “Any pet would have to be sturdy enough to keep up with me. Perhaps a larger seal or a whale. Unfortunately, those animals also make the best meals.”

“As a spirit, I find it difficult to connect with transitory beings such as humans or animals,” said Cazarluun,* Spectral Guardian of Venge Hill.

Carnisha, Queen of the Cragmaws,* laughed at the suggestion. “I have a brood of hatchlings! There is no time for pets.”

*Yriatt is a major character in my fantasy novel, Too Many Princes. Grenandus, Tetheus and Cazarluun appear in my short story collection, Aunt Ursula’s Atlas. Carnisha is featured in The Dragon’s Hoard anthology.

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Through silver skies
The snow it flies —
And so do I!

To my in-laws’ house, that is. Happy holidays!

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Jack Frost standing guard,
Blizzard blowing fierce and hard.
Dragon flies away.

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Jack Frost is annoyed.
Naughty dragon making noise,
Scaring off his friends.

Never knew Haiku could be a storytelling form, did you?


Now for that news. I’m excited to tell you that I’ve got the cover art for my middle-grade book, Aunt Ursula’s Atlas. I’m working through Draft to Digital to get it done in e-book and print. There are the usual formatting issues, but I hope to get through them quickly and be able to announce a release date. Crossing my fingers, it will be before Christmas!

Aunt Ursula’s Atlas is a collection of short stories by my alter-ego, Lucy D. Ford. Some are from the fairy tale series that I podcast as The Dragon King in 2012. Others are more contemporary in style. If you recall a few weeks ago, I shared a story called The Dragon’s Ghost on this very blog. That will be part of this book.

So wish me luck as I set out on my self-publishing adventure, and come back Saturday for the next of my haiku sequence.

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Dragon soaring high,
Chasing reindeer in the sky.
Santa is delayed.

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Look what I found at the thrift store!

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Hafzilla is thirsty, too.

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